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[21 Dec 2008|01:45am] |
I really wish that I didn't have to do so much weeding and severing of saddening relationships. Even so, I do see more benefit in me distancing myself from what many outside parties deem to be incestuous. I've really come to understand what it is that motivates me and as melodramatic as that may sound, this realization has been my source of sanity. I do, however, hate that when faced with an unexplainable occurrence, I sometimes revert to moments of insecurity and question my intuition. Fuck that - I've always considered myself to be firmly grounded when it comes to my perspective regarding most things, and to think that I should waver, even for a second, is incredibly sickening. I guess that's why I've tried to run from those things that trigger fits of indiscretion and regret. I do feel some regret, but honestly, who doesn't? Besides, the regret that I feel is arguably similar to the reaction one might experience upon viewing an old photograph and realizing that it was more obvious than not that mom was not in fact a licensed cosmetologist. It's superficial. It's conditional, and it's certainly something that isn't constantly a part of me.
I guess what I am dancing around is the realization that I don't like revisiting the past, and because it has become apparent that the past is all too present for most, I've disconnected myself from their world. I'm not complaining; in fact, I'm doing the opposite. I've finally found some peace in identifying myself with a reality that isn't limited and predictable. I think if anything, I'd truly like to thank the people that forced me into this state of mental clarity. Although it took a double heart fuck to grasp this concept, I'm happy to be feeling so at ease.
Actually, I take that back. This new, uppity bullshit - a consequence of a new relationship and a new perspective on life - has done terrible things for my writings. What once began as an attempt to melodically dictate utter bitterness and hatred is now oozing with relentless happiness and cliche' expressions. It's cutesy and it makes me want to regurgitate my lunch. It's okay, though. I didn't like that shit anyway.
http://www.despair.com/spin.html
I can appreciate the concept here. I'd highly recommend watching the vids, yo.
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| Happy Stagy Testimony Week! |
[03 Apr 2007|05:45pm] |
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I have never been genuinely compelled to close my eyes, throw my hands into the air, smile, and spin around as many times as it takes to feel satisfied, but today I nearly sacrificed what dignity I have managed to maintain and just about acted upon an all too Disney-like desire. I couldn’t even specifically tell you what it was that sparked this feeling, assuming that you care, but I am sure it had something to do with my music selection in combination with the surprisingly amazing weather, I officially have a place to live for the summer, I’m traveling to a new country in the winter, I’m paying my last month’s rent tomorrow and I have earned every penny that I have paid to live here (which may not seem like much, but I never thought myself capable of financing anything other than my weekly shopping trips, so it’s an accomplishment), school will be done within the next couple of weeks, I have developed wonderful relationships that will easily be forever cherished and valued, and most importantly, Katie and I will be purchasing a pizza tonight topped with pineapples and mushrooms that will completely satisfy the extreme amount of hunger I am currently enduring. I could go on forever, but the important thing to be said here is I have never wanted so badly to get on top of a fucking mountain top and profess my utter sense of happiness. I realize that I’m being a bit melodramatic, but honestly, I wouldn’t know any other way to express this feeling. It’s refreshing and it’s doing wonderful things for my skin. I haven’t popped a zit in a week!
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[16 Dec 2006|01:51am] |
Even though I endured extreme variations in temperature, nausea and random fits of irritation, I could not have been any more filled with passion this evening. The moment when you are looking into the eyes of the performers on stage and you become so incredibly consumed with their love of music is enough to make me experience the worst of situations just to witness. Music does that to people, you know. This happens, obviously, when it is understood that music is not simply the collaboration of a series of pleasing sounds. It is an instigator of transcendent experience and passion, and it is because of this factor that my night was amazing.
Aside from all of the drama occurring within the apartment, life has never been better.
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[23 Nov 2006|08:19pm] |
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Pumpkin pie flavored ice cream. Ah, the world makes sense again.
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[15 Nov 2006|05:29pm] |
Ah, what a beautiful afternoon!
Tonight we're having people over to play poker. Anyone is welcome to join, regardless of whether or not you plan on partaking in the game. It should be a fun time of fellowship, food and gambling, so don't hesitate to show your pretty faces (if your schedules be willing). Doors open at 9:30! Feel free to call me if you are in need of directions.
A sigh of relief.
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[03 Nov 2006|03:31am] |
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Come over on Saturday and celebrate my birthday. It'll be fun, I promise.
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[06 Mar 2006|10:37pm] |
It could have been the way the stars depicted the very essence of gratification, or the way the music’s melody was an exact representation of this very emotion, but something about tonight provided me with a magnificent sense of reassurance.
Friends Only.
Feel free to comment to be added.
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[09 Dec 2004|08:32am] |
I had an amazing day yesterday. Thank you for asking.
I have a cute boyfriend.
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[05 Dec 2004|04:27pm] |
Though some may argue otherwise, last night was definitely not a complete bust. Getting dressed up to go watch Sponge Bob was well worth the trouble. David Hasselhoff? Yes, please.
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[20 Nov 2004|08:13pm] |
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I am proud to say that I am madly in love with Elisabeth Lorena Cross!
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[20 Nov 2004|11:22am] |
I've been home a total of 25 minutes and I'm already bored. If anyone would like to free me of my boredom this afternoon, do call. Tomorrow I get to eat turkey early, which will probably consume the majority of my day (Not so much the eating, as the fellowshipping). No complaints here.
P.s Tara, come home!
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[13 Nov 2004|10:45pm] |
Apparently it's impossible to maintain any sort of happy medium. I need a priority check, dang it.
In regard to the surprise party that was thrown in my honor, I absolutely could not appreciate those of you who arranged this occasion more. It's nice knowing people care. I'm very fortunate to have such wonderful people in my life. Thank you!
( So Fetch )
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[08 Nov 2004|10:54pm] |
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Stupid me. Stupid, stupid, stupid me.
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| Oh, crap. I'm so embarrassed. |
[07 Nov 2004|08:25pm] |
Yay for today being so darn fun.
P.s Thank you to those of you who made my birthday wonderful.
Haha. We're twelve years old.
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melissaaney's journal